The Six Stages to Conflict Resolution. Which One Are You In?
Some people just don’t know how to deal with conflict when it arises.
If anything, they make it worse. It’s best to work on yourself so you become the type of person that responds to conflict in a way that restores stability and communication.
The book of the week, “The Decision Book”, is a travel companion of mine that goes all over the world with me (this week Im working remotely from Istanbul, Turkey). It provides a variety of decision-making models, and this week I wanted to visit the Conflict Resolution Model as it’s the one area I get asked advice about the most.
As you’ll notice, when conflict arises, we have two types of reactions: Rational and Emotional.
The first three reactions to conflict are Emotional:
- Flight: This is the same as avoiding. The conflict is not dealt with and the situation remains the same. It can be assumed that neither side will gain anything. This is a lose-lose situation.
2. Fight: Those who deal with a conflict aggressively have on goal: to win! But this is what James Carse, author of “Finite & Infinite Games” calls a “Finite Game”. If there’s a winner, there usually has to be a loser. This approach is about conquering the opponent, and asserting one’s own position in the face of resistance from others. This is a win-lose situation.
3. Give Up: Those who give up their own position in a conflict solve it by running away, i.e. they lose. It also will habituate you to assume a prey mentality when dealing with those of higher authority or stature. This isn’t a particularly good way to live. This is a lose-win situation.
As we get out of Emotional reactions, the other three reactions are Rational.
4. Evade Responsibility: Those who are overwhelmed by a conflict often delegate the decision — and thus also the confrontation — to another authority, usually a higher one. This authority solves the conflict for them, but not necessarily wisely, and not necessarily in the delegator’s interest. There is a risk that the parties on both sides of the conflict will lose. If anything, this leaves conflict up to chance and is a way to passively hand off responsibility. This is a lose-lose situation.
5. Compromise: Depending on how it is perceived, a compromise is a solution acceptable to both parties. It is often felt that although the solution isn’t ideal, it is reasonable in the circumstances. This is a win-lose/win-lose situation.
6. Reach a Consensus: A consensus is based on a new solution that has been developed by both parties. In contrast to a compromise, it is a win-win situation for both parties, because nobody has to back down from their position. Instead, both parties develop a “third way” together.
How you can use this article is to identify which reaction do you most often use and try to deploy ones that give you and the other party the best result (win-win).
Our failures are due not to the defeats we suffer but to the conflicts we don’t participate in. — Graffiti on a youth center in Bern, Switzerland
